Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As shirtless as possible
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
