i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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