so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
3 2 1 whiskey
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
