so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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