Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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