just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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