dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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