Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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