I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
