Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
