They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
