hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
