I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
