I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
