if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize