Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
