I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
