At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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