She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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