I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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