Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
