Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
