Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
