she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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