...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
