I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
