He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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