fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
