haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
