Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
