Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
