Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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