Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
