my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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