Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize