i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize