i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
