I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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