so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
