i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
