you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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