I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pants are for mortals
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
