M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
