We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
