Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
