I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
