Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
