Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
