But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
