I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
