I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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