Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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