3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
