so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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