may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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