I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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