quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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