WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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