what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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