On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
