my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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