I heard we made out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
