i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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