I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
