One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
