Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
