She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize