Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
