The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
