I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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