I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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