I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
