in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
