i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
